Today’s post was written by guest author Michelle Barber. Michelle is a favorite guest here at All About Cloth Diapers. I can completely relate to her confessions. Can you?
We all know how we as moms can be…hard on ourselves. I think the most encouragement I receive when reading other Mom’s blogs or emails is when they open up about their struggles and weaknesses and how they find encouragement.
And right now, this is where I am… On a journey of ever evolving discovery of what works and what doesn’t work for me and my family, falling flat on my face many times throughout the day; A journey of finding how to rely on God totally and not on my own abilities and/or inabilities. Also, I’m learning how not to get tripped up by my own weaknesses.
I love how the amplified bible states this:
…for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! (2 Corinthians 12:9)
So here are my little confessions…
I haven’t used cloth diapers for almost a month now. I know it sounds crazy but I have become so attached to cloth that I just cringe a little inside every time I diaper my son. Well, maybe it’s not so crazy to you all :)
I was just asked this question today, “Are you enjoying your vacation?” I didn’t get it right away…and then it was explained, “You know, from the cloth diapers.”
I hadn’t really thought about it.
“No.” I paused.
I thought about it for a few seconds and said, “Well….no.”
I actually was surprised because with my front loader (which is not fully functioning right now, which is why I still haven’t resumed cloth diapering my son), it has been a huge task to keep my diapers clean. And I still need to tweak my wash routine. I can’t wait to end my un-love affair with disposables as soon as my washer is fixed!
So why did I begin using disposables in the first place?
My one year old developed an infection on his little wee wee. It literally was unnoticeable until a problem was evident. I don’t want to get too graphic, but he began to bleed a little. I was terrified. We took him to the doctors and found that it was a local infection and nothing to do with his kidneys or internally. Praise the Lord!
After taking medicine, using special cream, and putting him in disposables, he was better pretty much instantly! After weeks of watching him extremely close, I know now that the problem wasn’t cloth diapers but wetness would aggravate whatever problem he had.
I still don’t know the cause but our best guess, and as the doctor suggested, is that it was a bacterial infection or a type of fungus.
Although I had stripped my diapers before, or so I thought, I am now beginning a new process of stripping all of my diapers to make sure they are clean and sanitized.
My last little confession is that my little one hasn’t practiced Elimination Communication since he was somewhere around five or six months. I really felt like I failed on this one but the process just became too much for me. EZ absolutely refuses to sit on the potty. This began once he could stand up by himself. He seems to only want to play with the potty, piling all of his little toys in it. So I decided to just take a break.
So that concludes my little confessions, well really they are simply happenings.
I am learning how important it is to receive the grace of God, trusting Him in ALL things. Also, I see the need to let go of my long list of expectations of myself and others. It causes unnecessary and harmful stress.
With all that we as parents do it is so important to remember to do this first…
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
I come to you God with every burden and weight that I am carrying, and I give them all to you. I trust you God completely. I know that you have great plans for me and my family. Plans to prosper us, giving us a hope-filled future! Thank you Lord! (from Jeremiah 29:11)
This is my new confession!